Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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