I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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