But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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