I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
