Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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