i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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