now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
