I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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