i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
