I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
