nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
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