Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
