I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
