duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Randomize
