Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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