i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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