why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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