youre lurking in front of me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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