thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
