i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
