do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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