i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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