I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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