So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
