I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
