i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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