went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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