Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
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I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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