Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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