You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
