I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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