Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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