why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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