as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
