I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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