I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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