You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
