I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
