The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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