DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
