Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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