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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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