just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
