hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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