I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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