Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
