that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
