there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
