Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
