Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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