You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
