I wish you could order shots online.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
