Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
