I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
