Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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