I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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