I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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