I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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