thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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