i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
