My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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