final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
