i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
vagina is talking i cant
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You're a disaster
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