My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
