Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
