as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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