guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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