where does the pee come out of this thing
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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