cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I need to align my fucking chakras
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
