saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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