I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
