please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
