my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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