I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
